Satyam (Nursery) Rhymes

Raju Raju sat on the wall
Raju Raju had a great fall
Balance sheet died
Shareholders cried
Raju Raju made a fraud

Raju Raju
Yes baba
Cheating us
No baba
Telling Lies
No baba
Open the balance sheet
HA HA HA

Tomorrow can be too late

If you're mad with someone , and nobody's there to fix the situation... You fix it .
Maybe today, that person still wants to be your friend . And if u don't,
Tomorrow can be too late .
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If you're in love with somebody, but that person doesn't know... tell her/him.
Maybe today, that person is also in love with you .
And if you don't say it,
tomorrow can be too late .
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If you really want to kiss somebody... kiss her/him.
Maybe that person wants a kiss from you, too . And if you don't kiss her/him today,
tomorrow can be too late .
------------ -
If you still love a person that you think has forgetten you... tell her/him.
Maybe that person have always loved you. And if you don't tell her/him today ,
tomorrow can be too late.
------------ -----
If you need a hug of a friend... ask her/him for it.
Maybe they need it more than you do. And if you don't ask for it today,
tomorrow can be too late.
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If you really have friends who you appreciate.. . tell them.
Maybe they appreciate you as well. That if you don't and they leave or go far away today , tomorrow can be too late.
------------ --------

Pakistanis Being Taken Everywhere

Three guys, a Pak, a Sri Lankan and an Indian are out walking together one day.

They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

"I will give you each one wish, that's three wishes total" says the Genie.

The Sri Lankan says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm.

I want the land to be forever fertile in Sri Lanka." With a blink of the Genie's eye,'FOOM' the land in Sri Lanka was forever made fertile for farming.

The Paki was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Pakistan, so that no foreigners can come into our precious state."

Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye, 'POOF' there was a huge wall around Pakistan.

The Indian asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and completely surrounds the state.Nothing can get in or out."

The Indian says, "My wish is that you fill it up with water."

Tax Structure in India. Funny But True

Some one Help me on TAX

1) Qus. : What are you doing?

Ans. : Business.

Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!

2) Qus. : What are you doing in Business?

Ans. : Selling the Goods.

Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!

3) Qus. : >From where are you getting Goods?

Ans. : From other State/Abroad

Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!

4) Qus. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?

Ans. : Profit.

Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!

5) Qus. : How do you distribute profit ?

Ans : By way of dividend

Tax : Pay dividend distribution Tax

6) Qus. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?

Ans. : Factory.

Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!

7) Qus. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?

Ans. : Yes

Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!

8) Qus. : Do you have Staff?

Ans. : Yes

Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!

9) Qus. : Doing business in Millions?

Ans. : Yes

Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!

Ans : No

Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax

10) Qus. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?

Ans. : Yes, for Salary.

Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!

11) Qus.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?

Ans. : Hotel

Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

12) Qus.: Are you going Out of Station for Business?

Ans. : Yes

Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!

13) Qus.: Have you taken or given any Service/s?

Ans. : Yes

Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!

14) Qus.: How come you got such a Big Amount?

Ans. : Gift on birthday.

Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!

15) Qus.: Do you have any Wealth?

Ans. : Yes

Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!

16) Qus.: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?

Ans. : Cinema or Resort.

Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!

17) Qus.: Have you purchased House?

Ans. : Yes

Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !

18) Qus.: How you Travel?

Ans. : Bus

Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!

19) Qus.: Any Additional Tax?

Ans. : Yes

Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX !!!

20) Qus.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?

Ans. : Yes

Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!

21) INDIAN :: can i die now??


Ans :: wait we are about to launch the funeral tax!!!
Tax Structure in India....... Funny But True

Support Raj Thackeray

1. We should teach our kids that if he is second in class, don't study harder.. just beat up the student coming first and throw him out of the school

2. Parliament should have only Delhiites as it is located in Delhi

3. Prime-minister, president and all other leaders should only be from Delhi

4. No Hindi movie should be made in Bombay. Only Marathi.

5. At every state border, buses, trains, flights should be stopped and staff changed to local men

6. All Maharashtrians working abroad or in other states should be sent back as they are SNATCHING employment from Locals

7. Lord Shiv, Ganesha and Parvati should not be worshiped in our state as they belong to north (Himalayas)

8. Visits to Taj Mahal should be restricted to people from UP only

9. Relief for farmers in Maharashtra should not come from centre because that is the money collected as Tax from whole of India, so why should it be given to someone in Maharashtra?

10. Let's support Kashmiri Militants because they are right in killing and injuring innocent people for the benefit of their state and community..

11. Let's throw all MNCs out of Maharashtra, why should they earn from us? We will open our own Maharashtra Microsoft, MH Pepsi and MH Marutis of the world

12. Let's stop using cellphones, emails, TV, foreign Movies and dramas. James Bond should speak Marathi

13. We should be ready to die hungry or buy food at 10 times higher price but should not accept imports from other states

14. We should not allow any industry to be setup in Maharashtra because all machinery comes from outside

15. We should STOP using local trains... Trains are not manufactured by Marathi manoos and Railway Minister is a Bihari

16. Ensure that all our children are born, grow, live and die without ever stepping out of Maharashtra, then they will become true Marathis
JAI MAHARASHTRA!

Think Positive

This is nice - finding positive out of every negative - which we don't always manage to do.

I am thankful... 1. For the husband who snores all night, because he is at home asleep with me and not with someone else.
2. For my teenage daughter who is complaining about doing dishes, because that means she is at home & not on the streets.
3. For the taxes that I pay because it means that I am employed.
4. For the mess to clean after a party because it means that I have been surrounded by friends.
5. For the clothes that fit a little too snug because it means I have enough to eat.
6. For my shadow that watches me work because it means I am out in the sunshine.
7. For a floor that needs mopping, and windows that need cleaning because it means I have a home.
8. For all the complaining I hear about the government because it means that we have freedom of speech.
9. For the parking spot I find at the far end of the parking lot because it means I am capable of walking and that I have been blessed with transportation.
10. For the noise I have to bear from my neighbours because it means that I can hear.
11. For the pile of laundry and ironing because it means I have clothes to wear.
12. For weariness and aching muscles at the end of the day because it means I have been capable of working hard.
13. For the alarm that goes off in the early morning hours because it means that I am still alive.
AND FINALLY... for received e-mails because it means I have friends who are thinking of me, at least.

Interview Questions

Below are the Interview Questions, which were asked in HR Round. No one will GET second chance to impress. Very very Impressive Questions and Answers.

Question 1:
You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it's raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:


An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. An old friend who once saved your life. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car?

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

* You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;
* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to ! pay him back.
* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again..

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. Guess what was his answer?

He simply answered:

"I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

Question 2:
What will you do if I run away with your sister?"

The candidate who was selected answered " I will not get a better match for my sister than you sir"

Question 3:
Interviewer (to a student girl candidate) - What is one morning you woke up & found that you were pregnant.

Girl - I will be very excited and take an off, to celebrate with my husband.

Normally an unmarried girl will be shocked to hear this, but she managed it well. Why I should think it in the wrong way, she said later when asked

Question 4:
Interviewer: He ordered a cup of coffee for the candidate. Coffee arrived kept before the candidate, then he asked what is before you?

Candidate: Instantly replied "Tea"

He got selected.

You know how and why did he say "TEA" when he knows very well that coffee was kept before.

(Answer: The question was "What is before you (U - alphabet)
Reply was "TEA" ( T - alphabet)

Alphabet "T" was before Alphabet "U"

Question 5:

The interviewer asked to the candidate "This is your last question of the interview. Please tell me the exact position of the
center of this table where u have kept your files."

Candidate confidently put one of his finger at some point at the table and told that this was the central point at the table. Interviewer asked how did u get to know that this being the central point of this table, then he answers quickly that sir u r not likely to ask any more question, as it was the last question that u promised to ask.

And hence, he was selected as because of his quick-wittedness.


This is What Interviewer expects from the Interviewee.

Once upon a Time

Once upon a time leadership mattered, now dealership rules the world.
*********
Once upon a time quality was craftsman's pride, now it is a departmental mess.
*********
Once upon a time mouse was an untouchable mammal, now it is handheld pest.
*********
Once upon a time wisdom was cultivated by wise people, now it is flashed on T-shirts.
*********
Once upon a time teacher tought and students learnt, now teacher trade and students consume.
*********
Once upon a time population was a problem, now it is a flourishing mass market.
*********
Once upon a time competition brought out the best, now it brings out the worst in people.
*********
Once upon a time there was a golden rule, now if you have gold, you rule.
*********
Once upon a time truth telling was good for your soul, now it is bad for promotion.
*********
Once upon a time success meant living by ideals, now it is about using above all principles.
*********
Once upon a time beauty was in the eye of the beholder, now it is booming business.
*********

Type of Marketing

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich.Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich.Marry him."
That's Advertising.


You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi,I'm very rich.Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her aride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich.Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich.."
That's Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm rich.Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback !!!!!

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich.Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband
That's Demand and supply gap.


You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say, "I am very rich.Marry me!" she turns her face towards you - she is your wife !
That's competition eating into your market share

3 Oscar. what cost?

3 O scars for Indians - Read the other side story

Yes, indeed it is a matter of pride for us as 3 Indians won 3 Oscar awards . But at what cost? When we look at the other side of the coin, I feel what we lost is more than what we won. (Please read it completely)

It is film by foreigners about the story of Indians and the only exception is A R Rahman .

Directed by Danny Boyle
Produced by Christian Colson
Written by Simon Beaufoy
Music by A. R. Rahman
Cinematography by Anthony Dod Mantle
Editing by Chris Dickens
Budget $15 million
Gross revenue $159,226,072

The film portrays the poverty in India and shown to the world how the life lead by the children in slums. Pre Independence Britishers equaled Indians with dogs by saying "Dogs and Indians not allowed" into a restaurant. Even after 50 years of Indian Independence these western people call the children in our slums as "dogs". They made good money making fun of India at International level. There are many humiliating scenes in the movie which will make us feel ashamed, like:

* The children posing as guides at Taj Mahal and cheating the tourists
* The children working in hotel refills the Mineral water bottle and cheating the customers
* Pick pocketing, stealing and reselling tourist footwear
* Grounding a car of a foreign tourist
* Training and employing the children for street begging
* Making a child blind to make him an impact beggar
* Training and pushing young girls into brothel house
* Children becoming criminals at the age they don't know what is life
* Host of the game suspecting the knowledge of a slum boy and trying to mislead the participant

Hollywood journalist called Slumdog as "Poverty p*rn" What impact will this have on India amongst the audience of western world? What do the children in slums learn from this film?

It is rightly mentioned in Amitabh's blog : "if Slumdog Millionaire projects India as Third World dirty under belly developing nation and causes pain and disgust among nationalists and patriots, let it be known that a murky under belly exists and thrives even in the most developed nations ." Bachchan also states: "It's just that the Slumdog Millionaire idea authored by an Indian and conceived and cinematically put together by a Westerner, gets creative Globe recognition. The other would perhaps not."

If we had won an Oscars for a film like Lagaan in which we throwed out Britishers from our country by defeating them in their own game, every Indian would have been really proud. The Academy did not found Lagaan good for an award but for Slumdog Millionaire .

National Integration

Bengali

One Bengali = poet.
Two Bengalis = a film society.
Three Bengalis = political party.
Four Bengalis = two political parties.
More than four Bengali's = Countrywide agitation to bring Ganguli into Team.
******

Bihari
One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.
Two Biharis = booth-capturing squad.
Three Biharis = caste killing.
Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna.
******

Mallu
One Mallu = coconut stall.
Two Mallus = a boat race.
Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.
Four Mallus = oil slick..
******

UP Bhaiyya
One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.
Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.
Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.
Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.

******

Gujju
One Gujju = share-broker in a Bombaytrain.
Two Gujjus = rummy game in a Bombaytrain.
Three Gujjus = Bombay's noisiest restaurant.
Four Gujjus = stock market scam.
******
Andhraite
One Andhraite = chili farmer.
Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey.
Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.
Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.

******
Kashmiri
One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.
Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.
Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.
Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.

******
Tamil-Brahmin
One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.
Two Tam-Brahms = Maths tuition class.
Three Tam-Brahms = Queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m..
Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara.
******
Mumbaikar
One Mumbaikar = footpath vada-pav stall.
Two Mumbaikars = film studio.
Three Mumbaikars = slum.
Four Mumbaikars = The number of people standing on your foot in the train at rush hour.
******
Sindhi
One Sindhi = currency racket.
Two Sindhis = papad factory.
Three Sindhis = duplicate goods shop in Ulhasnagar.
Four Sindhis = Hong Kong Retail Traders Association.
******
Marwari
One Marwari = The neighbourhood foodstuff adulterator.
Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta.
Three Marwaris = Finish off all Gujaratis & Sindhis.
Four Marwaris = Threaten the Jews as a community.
******
Haryanvi
One Haryanavi = tube light
Two Haryanavi = agriculture
Three Haryannavi= Lathi squad
Four Haryanavi = actually just one was enough

Easy V/s Difficult

Easy is to get a place in someone's address book
Difficult is to get a place in someone's heart


Easy is to judge the mistakes of someone
Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes

Easy is to talk without thinking
Difficult is to refrain the tongue

Easy is to hurt someone who loves us
Difficult is to heal the wound...

Easy is to forgive others
Difficult is to ask for forgiveness

Easy is to set rules
Difficult is to follow them...

Easy is to dream every night
Difficult is to fight for a dream.....

Easy is to show victory
Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity...


Easy is to admire a full moon
Difficult to see the other side....

Easy is to stumble with a stone
Difficult is to get up...

Easy is to enjoy life every day.
Difficult is to give its real value..

Easy is to promise something to someone
Difficult is to fulfill that promise...

Easy is to say we love
Difficult is to show it every day...

Easy is to criticize others
Difficult is to improve oneself...

Easy is to make mistakes
Difficult is to learn from them...

Easy is to weep for a lost love
Difficult is to take care of it so you wont lose it.



Easy is to think about improving
Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into action....



Easy is to think bad of someone
Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt...



Easy is to receive
Difficult is to give


Easy is to keep friendship with words
Difficult is to keep it with meanings

Are you a Good Girl Friend?

Q1. Do you love your boyfriend?

a) Yes
b) No
c) I think so.

Q2. Did you answer the earlier question truthfully?

a) Yes
b) No
c) uhhh

Q3. Would you date another guy,if your boyfriend is out of town for 2
months

a) Yes
b) No
c) Not Sure

Q4. Do you talk about your ex-boyfriend with your current?

a) No
b) Yes,Sometimes
c) Very Often

Q5. If your boyfriend is busy and asks you to run a few errands for, you ?

a) Agree Happily
b) Refuse Flatly
c) I'll think about it

Q6. Do you mind if your boyfriend maintains friendly contact with other girls?

a) No
b) Yes
c) I dont mind either way

Q7. If a good looking hunk proposes to you,you would

a) Politely refuse him,but thank for asking
b) Thank him for asking and dump your current boyfriend
c) Simply say,No.

Q8. Do you always get things done the way you plan?

a) Yes
b) No
c) Sometimes

Q9. On your guy's Birthday,you would get him

a) The latest gaming console,he was dreaming about
b) A Cheap shirt
c) None of the above










Points:
Q1 (a) 5, (b) 3, (c) 2
Q2 (a) 5, (b) 2, (c) 3
Q3 (a) 2, (b) 5, (c) 3
Q4 (a) 5, (b) 3, (c) 2
Q5 (a) 5, (b) 2, (c) 3
Q6 (a) 2, (b) 5, (c) 3
Q7 (a) 3, (b) 2, (c) 5
Q8 (a) 2, (b) 5, (c) 3
Q9.(a) 5, (b) 3, (c) 2

I Believe

I Believe...
That just because two people argue, doesn"t mean they don"t love each other. And just because they don"t argue, doesn"t mean they do love each other.



I Believe...
That we don"t have to change friends if
we understand that friends change.


I Believe...
That no matter how good a friend is, they"re going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.


I Believe...
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I Believe...
That you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.


I Believe...
That it"s taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.


I Believe...
That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.


I Believe...
That you can keep going long after you think you can"t.


I Believe...
That we are responsible for what
we do, no matter how we feel.


I Believe...
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.



I Believe...
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.


I Believe...
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.


I Believe...
That my best friend and I can do anything, or nothing, and have the best time.


I Believe...
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you"re down, will be the ones to help you get back up.


I Believe...
That sometimes when I"m angry I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn"t give me the right to be cruel.


I Believe....
That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you"ve had, and what you"ve learned from them......and less to do with how many birthdays you"ve celebrated.


I Believe...
That it isn"t always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself..


I Believe...
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn"t stop for your grief.


I Believe...
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.


I Believe...
That you shouldn"t be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life Forever.


I Believe...
Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something
totally different.


I Believe...
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don"t even know you.


I Believe...
That even when you think you have no more to give, if
a friend cries out to you......... you will find the strength to help.


I Believe...
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.


I Believe...
That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon.


I Believe...
That you should send this to all of the people that you believe in. I just did.


The happiest of people don"t necessarily have the best of everything;
They just make the most of everything.

Mysteries Of The Sexes

Women Wonder...
* Why men think women are bad drivers, even though they have been presented with evidence to the contrary, time and again.

* Why the best perfumes for women inevitably carry a man's name - be it Yves, Ralph or Hugo.

* Why everyday cooking continues to be a woman thing... even if he's a five-star chef!

* Why men still stop and stare at a woman reading a financial paper.

* Why our 'Main Man' strenuously objects to our wearing clothes that bare (the tiniest bit of) our flesh, while drooling over precisely the same clothes worn by other women.

* Why men like Steven Seagal. Or Wesley Snipes.

* Why men never listen to a woman properly. Despite a gazillion books written on this very subject.

* Why men need to be Freemasons. Is it really all that different from Enid Blyton's Secret Seven club?

* Why men can get by in virtually any button-down shirt and Dockers while women need to power dress. And power dress unobtrusively, elegantly and classically, at that.

* Why men wage war. Really, surely there are other, less harmful ways to flex one's muscle?

Men Wonder...

* Why women need to talk things over so much and so many times!

* Why match-fixing talk leaves women cold beyond a point.

* Why they think stripes and checks don't go well together. No male seeing this adventurous combination has winced or shielded his eyes. So, what is it with women?

* Why they drool over unkempt twerps like Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise. Is a few days' stubble and creased cargo pants all it takes to have women swooning?

* Why they insist on commitment in the form of a wedding band, just when things are going swimmingly. Real spoilsports, they can be.

* Why women think disguising their femininity makes them more effective. The moment a woman walks into a room, she affects all the men present in one way or another. That's a fact.

* Why women think that coming on strong with a man is a less-than-excellent idea. I mean, do you ever hear men using terms like 'fast or loose' when talking of a woman?

* Why women loathe Eminem.

* Why women need to stop and ask for directions at every bend in a strange road rather than trying to find their way themselves. And if one gets lost, well, all too often, it's because the little woman in the pass-enger seat cannot read maps properly.

* How women always smell so dashed good.

Men And Women Agree About... * The power and beauty of a Harley Davidson motorbike.

* The experience of listening to your favourite performer live in concert.

* The fact that stilettos are the sexiest thing on two heels!

* That any shade of pink, is not every man's colour, unless he is Milind Soman or Arjun Rampal.

* That the search for Ms or Mr Right can be great fun.

* That love is a many splendoured thing!

Beedi song in English

DAAN DOONG DUDUNG DAAN DOONG DUDUNG
NOT GLASS
NOT STOLE
COLD AIR IS ALSO AGAINST US
MOTHER IN LAW
NOT GLASS
NOT STOLE
COLD AIR IS ALSO AGAINST
MOTHER IN LAW

ITS SO CHILLY TAKE SOMEBODY'S QUILT GO AND TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS
STOVE
TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
LIT UP THE CIGGI FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
DAAN DOONG DUDUNG DAAN DOONG DUDUNG......
DONT NOT TAKE OUT SMOKE FROM THE LIPS DONT NOT TAKE OUT SMOKE FROM THE
LIPS THE WORLD IS VERY CROOKED
LIT UP THE CIGGI FROM LIVER OH LOVER
THERE IS LOT OF FIRE IN THE LIVER
ITS SO CHILLY TAKE SOMEBODY'S QUILT GO AND TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS
STOVE
TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE

NOT GLASS
NOT STOLE
COLD AIR IS ALSO AGAINST
MOTHER IN LAW
ITS SO CHILLY TAKE SOMEBODY'S QUILT GO AND TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS
STOVE
TAKE FIRE FROM NEIGHBORS STOVE
YEAH YEAH
NOT CRIME
NOT CHAOS
WITHOUT SIN DIED
U CALLED ME IN THE AFTER NOO.

Some Office Phrases

Commonly Used Phrases at the Office and... What they really mean!

*******

1. For your information, please. (FYI)

Meaning: I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it.

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2. Noted and returned.

Meaning: I don't know what to do with this, so please keep it little while.

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3. Review and comment..

Meaning: Do the dirty work so that I can forward it.

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4.. Action please.

Meaning: Get yourself involved for me. Don't worry, I'll claim the credit.

*******

5. For your necessary action.

Meaning: It's your headache now.

*******

6. Copy to.

Meaning: Here's a share of my headache.

*******

7. For your approval, please.

Meaning: Put your neck on the chopping board for me please.

*******

8. Action is being taken.

Meaning: Your correspondence is lost and I am trying to locate it.

*******

9. Your letter is receiving our attention.

Meaning: I am trying to figure out what you want.

*******

10. Please discuss.

Meaning: I don't know what the hell this is, so please brief me.

*******

11. For your immediate action.

Meaning: Do it NOW! Or I will get into serious trouble.

*******

12. Please reply soon.

Meaning: Please be efficient. It makes me look inefficient.

*******

13. We are investigating/ processing your request with the relevant authorities.

Meaning: They are causing the delay, not us.

*******

14. Regards.

Meaning: Thanks and bless you for reading all the crap.

American Version

A young second generation Indian in the US was asked by his mother to explain the significance of "Diwali" to his younger brother, this is how he went about it...


" So, like this dude had, like, a big cool kingdom and people liked him. But, like, his step-mom, or something, was kind of a bitch, and she forced her husband to, like, send this cool-dude, he was Ram, to some national forest or something... Since he was going, for like, something like more than 10 years or so... he decided to get his wife and his bro along... you know...so that they could all chill out together. But Dude, the forest was reeeeal scary sh*t... really man...they had monkeys and devils and sh*t like that. But this dude, Ram, kicked with darts and bows and arrows... so it was fine.

But then some bad gangsta boys, some jerk called Ravan, picks up his babe (Sita) and lures her away to his hood. And boy, was our man, and also his bro, Laxman, pissed... all the gods were with him... So anyways, you don't mess with gods. So, Ram, and his bro get an army of monkeys... Dude, don't ask me how they trained the damn monkeys... just go along with me, ok...

So, Ram, Lax and their monkeys whip this gangsta's A*s in his own hood... Anyways, by this time, their time's up in the forest... and anyways... it gets kinda boring, you know... no TV or malls or sh*t like that. So,they decided to hitch a ride back home... and when the people realize that our dude, his bro and the wife are back home... they thought, well, you know, at least they deserve something nice... and they didn't have any bars or clubs in those days... so they couldn't take them out for a drink, so they, like, decided to smoke and sh*t... and since they also had some lamps, they lit the lamps also...so it was pretty cooool... you know with all those fireworks... Really, they even had some local band play along with the fireworks... and you know, what, dude, that was the very first, no kidding.., thatwas the very first music-synchronized fireworks... you know, like the 4th of July stuff, but just, more cooler and stuff, you know. And, so dude, that was how, like, this festival started."

The mother fainted.

Physics Nobel Prize

This theory will win the Physics Nobel Prize !

Equation 1

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy
Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Human = Donkey + work + enjoy

Therefore,
Human - enjoy = Donkey + work

In other words,
Human that don't know how to enjoy = Donkey that work
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===

Equation 2

Men = eat + sleep + earn money
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Men = Donkeys + earn money

Therefore,
Men - earn money = Donkeys

In other words,
Men that don't earn money = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ====

Equation 3

Women = eat + sleep + spend
Donkeys = eat + sleep

Therefore,
Women = Donkeys + spend

Therefore,
Women - spend = Donkeys

I n other words,
Women that don't spend = Donkeys
============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =====

To Conclude:

>From Equation 2 and Equation 3
Men that don't earn money = Women that don't spend.

So, Men earn money not to let women become Donkeys! (Postulate 1)

And, Women spend not to let men become Donkeys! (Postulate 2)

So, we have?
Men + Women = Donkeys + earn money + Donkeys + spend money

Therefore from Postulates 1 and 2, we can conclude,
Man + Woman = 2 Donkeys that live happily together